Her Needs

Ken's list yesterday touched my heart!  I can't believe how blessed I am to have a man so wonderful!

What do I want from my husband?  Flowers, candy, dates, jewelry, exotic trips?  These things are nice and yes I would love them ... for special occasions or just because.  My husband does give me flowers and candy, just because, but I'm still waiting for the exotic trip.  We have talked about it, even got our passports about five years ago with the plans to go somewhere but never did.  Am I sad about it ?... sometimes but really I not heart broken over it.  In 30 years of marriage the most exciting trip was to Arizona for a friend's wedding.  It was great fun but we were distracted by the fact that I had been misdiagnosed with a heart problem just before we were to leave for the trip.  We couldn't do any cool hiking since we were afraid I would need to be hospitalized.

So what is the one thing I would take to a deserted island?

LOVE

The most important thing I want from Ken is love.  I've heard it from many Christian experts that women want love and men want respect.  My therapist says that WE all have two emotional needs, to be loved, to have a purpose.  I think  we all want the perfect love that has no strings attached.

Early in our marriage, when my husband said, "I love you." I heard, "honey, we are going to be alone tonight, so want to get it on?"  Love = Sex in my mind ... but that isn't at all what he was saying.

He took me out to dinner and a movie for that! 

just kidding

Nor do I want that "I love you"  to have chores attached  ... like the charge bills aren't enormous or you cleaned the house and did the laundry, made me delicious dinner, so ... I love you ...

I want to know it just means "I love you."

I need to know he loves me and only me in a way that no other woman in his life has ever experienced from him.

No sister, mother, grandmother, daughter, co-worker ... just me, his wife. And if I don't know that or I feel that I'm in competition with one of those other women then I begin to feel unsatisfied with our relationship and try to find other ways of fulfilling that love.

SHOPPING COMES TO MIND!

I'm not putting the onus on him alone, I take responsibility here.

In the past, I have felt threaten by his other relationships. There were times when he would give other women attention, family illness or work related situations, and my perceptions of these times needed to be kept in perspective.  These jealous feelings can be found in the form of deep rooted insecurities that have been nurtured over the years and at times, I have not allowed them to be fulfilled by the Savior.

We have worked on this for 30 years together and I can say life gets better everyday. 

Also this love that I desire needs to be a gentle love, not demanding, or "I'm the leader of the family and what I says goes around here!"

Cause I would say ... yeah ... "goes right out the window!"

Gentle love.  And Gentle Leading.

So where do I get my backing for what I am saying? 

First, Ephesians 5:25 Paul gives instruction to the husband; Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.  Then again in verse 28, Paul says, So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
That is what I want, to be loved ... above all else to be loved, no matter what I do ... and I know I've done some stupid things.   

Second, I am reminded of the story of the woman caught in adultery that was presented to Jesus.  I love how he did nothing but draw in the dirt, all the while they were asking him if they could stone her.  And I don't think they were calmly asking ... probably yelling!  When he did finally speak to the crowd, it was only 15 words, one sentence, then back to the dirt.  Of course if you know the story ... everyone left her alone with him and he forgave her sins.  The story is in John 8 

Only one word describes His actions to me ... Gentleness!  His Gentleness brought her out of her sinful life.  

I have only one item on my list ...

Gentle Love!  

Ken's gentle love has kept me going for 30 years!  I am so blessed! 

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966