What Sue thinks Ken Wants?

So what does my honey want most?? The obvious!  A steak dinner, Steelers Season Extended, Marital activities every night!

I even did a poll on facebook and the results of the poll were 100% in agreement with my above statement ... 

So can you prove me wrong in stating the obvious, am I correct that are your top three? 

I think the fourth thing on his list would be to be independently wealthy, but still have a job that he could go to when-ever he wanted.  That job would be organizing and sorting stuff in a warehouse.  He would have a team but he would just have them moving his "stuff" from one shelf to another.  Or would you have a team?  No I don't think so ... so I take that part back.

So how's that Ken? 

Quote! Yes True!

Matrimony is a process by which a grocer acquired an account the florist had.  ~Francis Rodman

Ken says ...

We all know what men want. I don't have to say it, do I?

But is that all we want?  No there is more... Let's see if Sue knows what I want.

Sue ... click off Criminal Minds ... and write a list! 

Her Needs

Ken's list yesterday touched my heart!  I can't believe how blessed I am to have a man so wonderful!

What do I want from my husband?  Flowers, candy, dates, jewelry, exotic trips?  These things are nice and yes I would love them ... for special occasions or just because.  My husband does give me flowers and candy, just because, but I'm still waiting for the exotic trip.  We have talked about it, even got our passports about five years ago with the plans to go somewhere but never did.  Am I sad about it ?... sometimes but really I not heart broken over it.  In 30 years of marriage the most exciting trip was to Arizona for a friend's wedding.  It was great fun but we were distracted by the fact that I had been misdiagnosed with a heart problem just before we were to leave for the trip.  We couldn't do any cool hiking since we were afraid I would need to be hospitalized.

So what is the one thing I would take to a deserted island?

LOVE

The most important thing I want from Ken is love.  I've heard it from many Christian experts that women want love and men want respect.  My therapist says that WE all have two emotional needs, to be loved, to have a purpose.  I think  we all want the perfect love that has no strings attached.

Early in our marriage, when my husband said, "I love you." I heard, "honey, we are going to be alone tonight, so want to get it on?"  Love = Sex in my mind ... but that isn't at all what he was saying.

He took me out to dinner and a movie for that! 

just kidding

Nor do I want that "I love you"  to have chores attached  ... like the charge bills aren't enormous or you cleaned the house and did the laundry, made me delicious dinner, so ... I love you ...

I want to know it just means "I love you."

I need to know he loves me and only me in a way that no other woman in his life has ever experienced from him.

No sister, mother, grandmother, daughter, co-worker ... just me, his wife. And if I don't know that or I feel that I'm in competition with one of those other women then I begin to feel unsatisfied with our relationship and try to find other ways of fulfilling that love.

SHOPPING COMES TO MIND!

I'm not putting the onus on him alone, I take responsibility here.

In the past, I have felt threaten by his other relationships. There were times when he would give other women attention, family illness or work related situations, and my perceptions of these times needed to be kept in perspective.  These jealous feelings can be found in the form of deep rooted insecurities that have been nurtured over the years and at times, I have not allowed them to be fulfilled by the Savior.

We have worked on this for 30 years together and I can say life gets better everyday. 

Also this love that I desire needs to be a gentle love, not demanding, or "I'm the leader of the family and what I says goes around here!"

Cause I would say ... yeah ... "goes right out the window!"

Gentle love.  And Gentle Leading.

So where do I get my backing for what I am saying? 

First, Ephesians 5:25 Paul gives instruction to the husband; Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.  Then again in verse 28, Paul says, So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
That is what I want, to be loved ... above all else to be loved, no matter what I do ... and I know I've done some stupid things.   

Second, I am reminded of the story of the woman caught in adultery that was presented to Jesus.  I love how he did nothing but draw in the dirt, all the while they were asking him if they could stone her.  And I don't think they were calmly asking ... probably yelling!  When he did finally speak to the crowd, it was only 15 words, one sentence, then back to the dirt.  Of course if you know the story ... everyone left her alone with him and he forgave her sins.  The story is in John 8 

Only one word describes His actions to me ... Gentleness!  His Gentleness brought her out of her sinful life.  

I have only one item on my list ...

Gentle Love!  

Ken's gentle love has kept me going for 30 years!  I am so blessed! 

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

What Sue wants

What do I think Sue wants?  I'm a list guy, so here's my list:  Sue's top ten list:

- She wants to be reminded every day how beautiful she (and she is!).
- She wants me to protect her from hurtful people.
- She wants to know that I am leading our home and that it is a safe sanctuary for her.
- She wants to be the #1 priority in my life (after the Lord, of course).
- She wants to laugh.
- She wants to use her spiritual gifts regularly, which includes her desire to be involved in drama ministry.
- She wants lots and lots of pets!
- She wants to share God's love with a hurting world.
- She wants to eat every day at Chipotle Restaurant!
- And finally, she wants to live at the beach.

If I could give the world to my wife, I would in a heartbeat.  She is a special lady and deserves to be treated like a queen.  I'll do my very best.

Just a great quote!

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.  ~Doug Larson

Starting POINT

Sue, here! 

I've been wondering where to start ...

the beginning?  how we met?  but I think I'll save that for later! 

The question here is how have we stayed together for so long, especially today in the USA, when everything is disposable.

 

Now I know there are a lot of other couples out there, that have been married longer than us.  They are to be applauded, but being our blog... I'll stick to our marriage.  

You see I do find it amazing I'm still married. If I were him I would have left ME, a long time ago! Of course he doesn't believe that, 

the proof ... I still wake up next to him every morning and for that I'm truly thankful and blessed.   

That doesn't mean, I am the happiest woman in the world, married to Ken, being that he knows all that I need, because if he did we would never argue.  Since we do have disagreements now and then and usually it is miscommunication or one spouse doesn't know what the other spouse wants makes me think that needs are a good starting point. 

  What are his or her needs?  or wants?  or dreams?  

I think these are all things we need to know about our spouses....

So what do wives want from their husbands.  To find out, I did what every respectable person does these days ... googled it!

I found ten things wives want ... and it bored me.          

                                     All but one!

number 5; "saying yes more often than no" ... 

Wait a minute, wives want that?  My husband wishes I would say yes more often than no!

Then I read what the author wrote.  "Habitual negative responses are typical of men."  WOW!  

Ken is a retired State Trooper and the kids used to call him "Officer NO!"  I always thought of the dad being more like the character of Robin Williams in "Mrs Doubtfire" or Bruce Willis in "The Story of Us" 

... I just thought my husband was different and  more police like. 

When our kids were growing up, Ken wasn't all fun and games. He was balanced between good and evil; and did say "no" more often than not.  Now he hardly ever says "no" ...

But this brings to mind ... What do I want? 

Let's ask Ken. 

Ken, what do you think I want? 

He will post his response later today and I'll post tomorrow what I think are my most important needs, until then!  

Keep Loving your spouse, you might be the only one that does!

Newlyweds become oldyweds, and oldyweds are the reasons that families work.  ~Author Unknown 

I love that quote. I am happy I'm becoming an oldywed!

 

If you would like to read more about the Ten Things Wives Want From Their Husbands ... here is the article's web address:  Ten Things Wives Want

Indroduction

After 30 years of marriage Ken and Sue Jones, both actors and writers decided to share some insight to how they have made it to this point.  It hasn't been easy.  Hurdles include, church drama, extended family woes, long drawn out adoption, depression, infant surgery, the air force, controlling friends, spending sprees, dying kittens, in and out retirement, lost dreams, marriage counseling, parent deaths, snowzilla, and neighborhood pedophiles. 

That is the short list ... but as they write this blog they will share more stories of heartache... WAIT!

Nothing good????


Yes smiling Sue says ... 3 beautiful kids, 2 sons and a daughter, one Beautiful Daughter in Law! (so far), a beautiful house, wonderful pets, Hilton Head, Skiing with family, the air force, church drama, Worship Arts Conference Trips, Arizona, California, Student Film Actors, Aerobics, The State Police, Sex, long walks, improv, Sunday dinners, great friends, weddings, special surprise mother's day outings, homeschooling, dance, Steeler games, making stuffing, class reunions, Apples to Apples, Become Beauty, birthday parties, and garage sales. 

That's the short list ... so Ken and Sue will share their stories of trials but also of their victories. If you notice there are some items repeated in both lists.  They will tell you how there have been many things in their marriage that have been both blessings and curses. 

So stay tuned!